I Cannot Hide It


I want to tell you how amazing this past year has been.  But to give you the full picture, I feel like I need to start in late 2010.

October 2010:Eric and I decided to start a family

November 2011: We had waited for over a year.  I started to fear that something was wrong.  The church that Eric and I go to has a healing service a few times a year (not the kind where they hit your forehead) and we went up and asked for prayer to get pregnant.  I remember being prayed for by one of the elders of the church.  When I walked back to my seat I felt this real warmth inside of me where a baby would grow.  I didn’t know for sure that I would ever get pregnant, but I knew that God had heard my prayers.

December 2011:  I had a bit of a sad Christmas while struggling with infertility and started to dread 2012.  I feared that it would be as bad or worse than the previous year of waiting.

January 2012: I rung in the New Year feeling really let down and depressed.  I feared the future and what it would hold.  Eric and I went to the doctor’s and discussed a plan for fertility treatment.  Later that month we decided to hold off on fertility testing so that Eric could run for US Congress.   A friend of mine gave me a maternity top.  She felt a little awkward about it, but felt as if God wanted her to give it to me.  I clung to it for months thanking God for not forgetting about me.

April 2012:  On the 24th, the fun and excitement of the campaign came to an end on voting day, and I didn’t have any more distractions to take my mind off of the valley that I was in.  I started to dwell on what felt like a huge hole in my life.  We continued to put fertility testing on hold until Eric found a job.

May 2012:  I started to get really depressed and emotional about not being pregnant.  I begged God to let this phase of life end.  I went to my parent’s house and broke down.  I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore.  I shared my story at the Alpha course at church.

June 2012: I held off on taking a pregnancy test for as long as possible, because I hated seeing the “negative” sign.  Eric urged me to take one.  It was the morning of June 10th that I saw the “positive” sign.  When I saw it, I couldn’t believe it.  Then I just started sobbing.  I was so happy.  So relieved.  The wait was finally over.  When I finally pulled myself together I went in and told Eric.  When we went to our first appointment the nurse told us that she believed the first day of our pregnancy (LMP) was May 1st.  Which means I was probably pregnant when I cried on my parent’s couch about not being pregnant, and I was probably pregnant when I shared my story at Alpha.  I may have even been pregnant on mother’s day.

January 2013:  I am looking forward to 2013!!  What a difference a year can make.  We are expecting our baby in four weeks, and I am so thankful to God for bringing me through and for giving me this amazing gift!  How wrong I was about 2012 being a horrible year.  It was one of the best years I can remember.  If you’re facing 2013 feeling hopeless and depressed, hang in there!  Who knows what this year will hold?  I pray that it will be a great year for you.  The year that the waiting ends.  The year that the sadness fades and hope is restored.

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About Melody

My name is Melody Martin. Check out my art blog, and learn all about the steps and techniques that go into oil paintings.
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18 Responses to I Cannot Hide It

  1. Lauren says:

    Crying happy tears!!! God is so good! Thanks for that reminder and for the beautiful belly pic:)

  2. Stephanie says:

    I am so happy for you. 4 weeks!!!

  3. Marah says:

    Praying for an easy and complication free delivery! Can’t wait to hear whether you have a son or daughter!

  4. cherylmoo says:

    You are SO precious! And simply glowing :) you and Eric are gonna make great parents!
    Thanks, again, for your transparency.
    Blessings,
    Cheryl

  5. So excited for you Mel! Thank you for sharing your story–waiting is such a struggle for so many of us and yet through your story, we can see how Faithful and present God is in our journey! Praying for you!

  6. elliot says:

    Yay! I’m so thankful that you are no longer in that period of life. This baby is going to be awesome.

  7. arrynvogan says:

    You are so cute! So excited for you and Eric. There is nothing like it! I hope and pray that you have a wonderful delivery. Your strength in the Lord is inspiring!

  8. Minion says:

    Awesome Mel!! I’m so glad that you can share this story and give others hope too! Love you!

  9. Holly Niphakis says:

    You are beautiful and your belly is beautiful and I know the one who is inside it is beautiful….
    we cannot wait to help and support you and Eric in that time when baby is in your arms…and on it’s way. :-)

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