I know I am not perfect, but sometimes I wish I was a better painter than anyone else. Sometimes I feel embarrassed to show my work, because I wonder if people are looking at it and thinking “that is the work of an amateur.” Well, I am an amateur, but I find myself trying to hide that fact (as much as it can be hidden).
I think it’s time to admit to myself that although I have a fine arts degree, I’m only twenty-four. I have a loooong way to go before I can consider myself a master at my craft. I pray that one day I can look back on these paintings as the beginning of a very fruitful journey to mastery. I will consider the journey successful if I can say that I cared more about painting than I did about making money. And if I can say that I never stopped learning new things.
Now, what spurred that musing? The “progress” I’ve made on my painting. I started trying to perfect the skin tone. Some of the shadows are off. And the really discouraging part is that when this painting is placed next to its companion (Eric holding the fawn), it stands out a lot more. I am discouraged because I don’t want either painting to dominate the other, but to work together. I don’t know what I’m going to do but keep working and see if it gets better.